December 6, 2010

• and i have given up so much
  to be with you
  but you still sit there

  telling me everything i’ve done wrong
  reopening old wounds
  and finding new ones

  as if i have been placed on waivers
  or injured reserve
  and just barely been making it

  as if i have been sentenced to life imprisonment
  without possibility of parole

  but you point your finger at me
  giving me words i’m already familiar with

  failure
  loss
  hatred
  anger

  while our son sleeps in the other room
  dreaming of angels and butterflies
  you open up hell’s door

  and release every form of suffering you know how

  but it doesn’t matter anymore
  what you say
  or how you say it

  i’m not the same person you married eight years ago
  with death rattle slowing crawling towards nine

  i am calm
  i am aware

  i am not yours

  to play with
  to incite
  to upset
  or place blame upon

  i am better now
  better then i ever was
  ever will be

  i have no illusions of grandeur
  no misunderstanding of time
  or place

  i am as i need to be

  but you go on and yell
  you go on making your mistakes
  i will shake my head

  open my heart
  and wait

  but if you don’t come
  if you never show up
  that’s fine too
  it’s your loss

  not mine.

  • 3:29 pm
  • 6 Comments