November 27, 2010
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i found a photo of you yesterday
pressed between pages
moveable feastyou were up north
winter
i proposed on that tripyou were so happy
that was the closest i’ve ever felt to another human beingyou were amazing
like sunlight in the summertime
or sunflowers in an empty fieldi didn’t know
i didn’t know it was gonna collapse in on me
on uslike a supernova
i didn’t know six months later
i would be saying goodbye to youi didn’t know
i never knewwhat i wouldn’t give
to be with you
to be near you
to kiss youone last time
found your photo
pressed between pages
moveable feasttruer words were never spoken.
Comments (14)
And if you had known would you have done anything differently?
@MyHomeIsWriting - i don’t know. maybe. sometimes i wonder, i mean i thought she wanted to marry, i know she did. but that seemed like the death nail. sad really.
to find a photo pressed between pages, of someone you once felt like this for must be like a sudden jolt. i close my eyes and try to imagine it. that’s how i feel it. it must be different for everyone. obviously. this is lovely and sad, like most of your stuff.
@hilaw - it was like remembering you won the lottery and the realizing it was all a dream, nothing was won, and so much was lost.
Every response seems cliche.
This could bolster my argument against photo documentation of this moment’s reality, though. Ahem.
@Automaton_Emotion - so you need to see the photo. lol. yeah—no, i think writing a whole book about her and publishing it was enough for me.
@thomas_michael - No, no. I am not a proponent of photo documentation at all. I kind of like the idea that there won’t be a moment like this for me in the future; that I won’t stumble upon some beautiful moment that has the potential to bring me to my knees. At least, I do, for now.
I think I might change my mind, if my landscape changed. Or, maybe, my mind would suffice as graphic enough evidence.
@thomas_michael - I think a lot of relationships end up that way, marriage is the nail in the coffin. I think the very same thing happened to my own parents, only 17 years later the last nail was finally driven in. I only ask because I know that’s usually the thought that follows, the wondering if things could’ve been different. But the worst, and best part of that, is that you can’t ever know. And while not knowing can drive a person crazy, its best you can’t know because knowing could only be that much worse.
All right, rambling. Not sure exactly what I was trying to say. Anyway…
gah. sad. but I hear you.
I don’t know your story obviously because after I read it I really wished
This was fiction. Because as beautiful as the writing was it was also very sad. It touched me deeply. Really good writing. I’m very sorry that it didn’t work out.
@MyHomeIsWriting - 17 years, that’s so sad. to try and do something, love someone for so long and then fail at it or give up or whatever else. love sucks, doesn’t it. lol. i’m sorry about your parents. and you’re right, knowing could be much worse.
@thomas_michael - Now that it’s morning and I can think straight I think I realize what I was trying to say. I wondered the same thing about my parents in the wake of their divorce and I wasn’t my father, I wasn’t the one who stuck it out for so long and it just blows my mind thinking about that. And then I realized the amount of time doesn’t really matter because no matter what, if you love someone and then things fall apart, as they have a way of doing, it hurts like hell whether it was 17 years or 17 days.
Anyway, what really matters is that this is a really amazing piece. Got me thinking more than I ever would have guessed.
Those unexpected moments are our undoing. There’s no way to guard against them . . . no garlic lei around the neck will keep you safe. And when they come, it’s a rabbit kick to the breadbasket. *sigh*
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