November 24, 2010
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i have no interest in who you were
as i am told over and over again
what a horrible father you madenot being there
for your kidsas you worked two to three jobs
to put food on a tableeight kids
no life of your own
just workjust wake up
go
and keep goinguntil you slept
ate
and did the whole thing over againfor 30 plus years
every thing being taken up
by time
energy
and making sureyour family was clothed
fed
and housedso i have no interest
when the youngest paces the hallway
30 years my senioracting like a two year old at christmas
not getting enough toys
announcing you’ll go into a “home”
before you go anywhere elseyou are who you are
a man of 94 years
who stuck by his familyfriends
and wifecaring for her
no matter what
nurturing as best you knew howthrough the great depression
through world war two
through hard times
struggled economiesand failed livelihoods
you were a mechanic
an arch welder
and a plant manageryou were a dad
a husband
a father
and a manthrough and through
you liked bacon
black coffee
and good westernsyou liked trains
and were fascinated
with all the moving partsyou were a grandpa
a grandfather
a good personand a well intended human being
who struggled with life
just as much
as anyone elseso i sit next to you
in the hospital
listening to nurses chatter and laughlistening to people
come and godoctors
check charts
check paperwork
check health coverageand then frown
grimace
and walk outas i sit here
discussing life
and all things that encompass failurebut you still smile
laugh
and make jokeswires coming and going
out of your body
a few beeps
noisesand the occasional random sigh
you are still the same person i remember
as a child
trying desperately
to understand youlove you
and care for youyou were
and still are
my grandfatherso i say again
i have no interest in who you were
i already know
and that’swhy i’m sitting here
right next to you.
Comments (10)
And really, in the end, that’s all that really matters. That you are there for him, to listen, to just be by his side, to show him the love you have for him.
This is a very touching and poignant poem. I can feel the sadness and the tender love you have for your grandfather, as well as your anguish at what he is facing today. We all have to endure all of this human suffering one day but he is lucky (and you are lucky too) to have someone like you beside him. Best to you and your grandfather. I am thankful for having had a chance to read your beautiful poem.
What a great gift . . . acceptance in the moment . . . the here and now without apologies, without regret, beyond explanation . . . we should all have that in our lives.
that’s beautiful sad and lovely
That moment right there is all that matters to us fathers, looking next to us and see a loved one who understands all we did to make thing right the only way we know how.
@jacksoncroons - i agree. at some point, “unconditional” needs to mean something. everyone deserves that.
@looking_inside_me - thanks, that means i’m doing this right.
@awoolham - thanks for reading. god bless.
this is beautiful, lovely, wonderful poem.
I’d send you a link, but I can’t find a copy of it online, but if you ever decide to look, or come across it in your life, this poem rivals my favorite poem. It’s called “what my father believed” it’s by robert wrigley. It’s funny, both poems kind of deal with the same topic, but just from different perspectives.
@serendipity_1988 - you know, that’s what i love about xanga. the intellect of everyone. thank you so very much for comparing me to someone i don’t deserve to be compared to. you are to kind. stop by anytime.