August 10, 2012
-
this morning
i sit with my coffee
my keyboardand the quiet lull of eddie vedder
singing sadnesstelling me nothing is guaranteed
and i understand this
i hear himas i think about my losses
my friend
my lifeso much sadness
for a such a short life
so much sadnessand as i put words on a screen
i think about friendship
and what it means to memaybe i am not a good friend
maybe i am not who i said i was
maybe
maybe“i know all the roads
but the roads do not know me
guaranteed”and as the rain hits my windows
i realize
i am humbled
by so many thingsespecially
the empty chaos
of a life not led
but chosen
through false hope
and empty promisesi wish i could wake up
and take it all back
i am nothing
just the cup that holds melike water
filling a glass
but only ever taking the shape
of whatever vessel it is inlike heaven opening it’s doors
and you leaving
because the perfection
is too much
for any one soulto ever handle.
Comments (1)
I used to identify with this feeling, but I’ve experienced redemption and forgiveness. The biggest gain was to be able to forgive myself, to have compassion for myself, to say, “I made that decision because of who I was and what I believed then.” I now have few regrets. Everything has been paid for, and not by me.