December 25, 2010

• i walked into the room
  and saw you sitting upright
  wheel chair bound

  picking at your bruises
  old scabs
  dying arms

  legs
  trapped in a body
  that can no longer responds

  and we talked about life
  how bad hospital food taste
  and why death takes so long

  and i don’t know what made me cry more
  when your diaper needed changing
  when your legs failed to move

  or those stupid yellow footies
  they keep putting on you to keep you from sliding into oblivion

  or maybe it was just the knowledge
  of leaving you at christmas time
  all alone

  in room 214
  bed four

  sleeping
  dying
  waiting

  for the end

  i do know it succeeded where others have failed
  as i sat in my car
  outside my mother in law’s house

  christmas eve
  crying like a baby
  for my grandfather to not suffer anymore

  not to feel pain
  not to know

  that all of this was a beginning
  to an end
  that just keeps on going

  maybe that’s what made me cry the most
  or maybe
  it was everything.

  • 10:50 pm
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